Sunday, July 14

The Ravaging Effects of Poverty and Unemployment

From the late 70s till today, poverty and her potent younger sister unemployment have continued ravishing the sub-Saharan region like a killer disease with no cure.

From Maiduguri through Lubumbashi to Soweto, these siblings have conquered the region. What’s their source of inspiration? Narcoqueens and Godfathers, aka politicians.

However, let’s pause for a moment. Speaking the truth to these official cartels is tantamount to disrespecting the African elders. Hence, our problems morph into a complex web. In no time, it becomes as bad as faecal matter flowing from the crown of our heads to the soles of our feet. At the same time, everyone laments, “Oh menua fama nyame, wae.”

So, let’s pretend our politicians are the best thing that has happened to humanity since Alikoto. Why? Don’t ask me why. You… ungodly coward.

Baller & High Roller Pastors

Today, politicians are not my focus; I will eat them alive later.

At this significant hour, allow me to demonstrate my genuine praise to the golddigger pastors, aka Pastorprenuers.

In Africa, resourcefulness emerges, especially amidst economic shambles. With unemployment rivalling locust plagues, desperate souls have discovered salvation – in church startups!

Why slave away to useless degree qualifications when you can secure your livelihood, exploiting the faith of those too lazy to study their Bibles?

From cramped roadside government classroom churches to sprawling auditoriums rivalling big business, our pastorpreneurs are expanding empires. With no pesky business regulations, launching a ministry lets you capitalise on people’s spiritual desperation. This is a quicker way than actual startups.

The Birth of Ade the Pastorpreneur

In Lagos, the hunt for money never ended. Ade heard whispers of pastorpreneurs getting rich with church startups. He didn’t believe in mixing faith with fortune. But six years without a job will change a man.

Ade had charm and ambition but pockets emptier than that of a beggar. He set out to “GET RICH OR DIE PUSHING”.

Ade the pastorpreneur was born. Who needs faith when you have sheep ready to be sheared?

The Silent Complicity of Pastorpreneurs – Holy Ballers

Secondly, Africa’s blessed pastorpreneurs know better than to bite the divine hands that feed them. They’ve grown fat and happy, feasting on the ignorant masses flocking to their tax-free spiritual buffets. Yet curiously, not a word about the sinful Narcoqueens and Godfathers gorging at the public purse.

Biting remarks would sour the sweet deal they’ve secured. So, instead, they delicately dance off silently kowtowing. Then they quote Romans 13:1, “Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God“.

From the pulpit, how often have you heard of Nathan, who confronted King David, Elijah, who challenged Queen Jezebel? Or Daniel, who defied King Nebuchadnezzar and John the Baptist, who spoke up and was beheaded?

Their holy voices remain obediently muzzled as if by divine gag order. Who needs the courage to criticise corruption when you can quietly collect your kickbacks and buy another Rolls Royce for the papa?

Like Ade. He knew the real power was with the Godfathers and Narcoqueens looting the public purse. So he cosied up to politicians. It didn’t matter who was in the seat of power. The path to riches was as clear as a bank vault. Stay away from speaking against the rot of politicians.

So there you have it, folks, the sordid saga of Africa’s entrepreneurial pastorprenuers!

Chink in the Armour – A Glimmer of Hope – Philanthropic Pastors

But wait, hark, despair NOT! Amidst the dazzling glow of gold-dripped pulpits, a rare breed of pastors still dabble in the age-old practice of “helping others”. They are the true philanthropic paragons, the saviours of the struggling souls. The selfless givers of assistance. Led usually by unknown virtuous vanguards of the priesthood. They have tirelessly dedicated themselves to expanding their good works. From offering school fees to aspiring scholars. Granting shelter to the roofless. Bestowing hospital bill relief on the fatherless. Or providing pocket money for fledgling entrepreneurs. This is a touching tale of benevolence. So, amidst the golden swirls of Pastorprenuership, let’s not forget those who genuinely bless the masses, one offering at a time. Amen to that, and may your tithe multiply! No pun intended.

A Call to Action – Rise Up, People of Africa

Rise up, people of Africa! Cast aside the shackles of exploitation. Stop funding false prophets. Invest in uplifting your communities. Build enterprises that empower people, not JUST churches.

And you ambitious pastorpreneurs, step down from your diamond-encrusted thrones. Utilise the riches for public service. And lead your followers not into greed but into creating lasting prosperity that benefits all through Christ. 

What do you think?

  1. What are your thoughts on the impact of poverty and unemployment in sub-Saharan Africa, as described in the article?
  2. Do you agree with the author’s portrayal of politicians as “Narcoqueens and Godfathers”? Why or why not? What names will you suggest?
  3. Before reading this article, Have you heard of the term “pastorprenuers”? What’s your take on this concept?
  4. How do you view the relationship between religion and wealth, particularly in the context of the pastorpreneurs discussed in the article?
  5. The author mentions the reluctance of some pastors to criticise corruption in politics. What do you think about this phenomenon?

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